A safe gay space to me, is a place where I can feel confident, welcome, proud, supported, and I won’t encounter discrimination. To me, it is a space where I can confidently stand with others who share my perspective, demeanor, sentiment, and state of mind, even if we disagree on stance-we share a commonality. It is a space where I look for welcome arms, a warm embrace, or a respectful glance. Each person of the collective LGBTQ+ group shares one thing in common, we all look for spaces where we can “let our hair down” and be ourselves for a moment.
“It is absolutely imperative that every human being’s freedom and human rights are respected, all over the world.”– Jóhanna Sigurðardóttir
I will be the first to admit, I once only viewed safe gay spaces as a bar that poured liquid courage. I developed this internal view, due to daftness of the true meaning of being gay. There are no justifiable excuses that I can conger for this belief, but… I can say that the view of these spaces has drastically changed. Prior to departing on my whirlwind travel, I only frequented gay bars that I could find with an internet search and my definition of being gay was only that of sexual preference. After visiting Safe Gay Spaces in Brazil, Germany, London, and Italy, I can proudly say that my definition of a gay space has changed.
Each of us in the LGBTQ+ spectrum has our definition of what safety means. Safety can come in many different forms and is dependent upon one simple thing, a feeling. This is a comfort level in a space, to speak freely, stand naturally, or use expressive gestures. This can allow one’s true self to emerge from the cocoon we use to navigate the world. Whether you believe a safe gay space is a museum, art gallery, library, bar, restaurant, ball, a friend's embrace, a house mother's living room, or your bedroom, we should lead by example for others who have not obtained this knowledge yet.
As a queer community, we look to one another to provide the feeling of protection from harm, or at least this is what I would like to perceive. Sometimes fear stops us from forming these bonds and can leave us with a sense of being an outsider, desperately wanting to belong. Each of us has our journey to the centrality of community, and it is not something that one can purchase, borrow, or steal. It is a junction in the road to self-discovery that this knowledge and feeling become available. Feeling safe from harm or being protected is no longer a given based on creed, orientation, or sex.
I briefly dated a man who would start a conversation with “This is a safe space” and I never acknowledged or drew a correlation in distinguishing the difference. Then, I thought, “This is my living room, and we are gay, so I would hope it is safe.” I did not have the knowledge to understand what this statement meant. This statement should resonate with every member of the community, but not all of us have the understanding or experiences to relate.
To date, my definition of a safe gay space has changed. I now view this as a form of chemistry, trust, or a relationship. My form of a safe gay space, is the feeling from another man when he walks with me, holding my hand, and leading in direction. My form of a safe gay space is a close friend asking, “How are you really doing?” My form of a safe gay space is driving in my vehicle scream singing my favorite hype song.