United Kingdom, London was my first trip to another continent. My goal was to have new experiences and try things that I normally would be reluctant to try in the States. I was on my way to see Adele in concert and wanted to preserve my emotional state and bring a slight smile. To say that I was a nervous sweaty wreck would not give the depth to my emotional delusion that safety did not exist in the gay realm. Prior to landing in London, I had asked the Fellow Gay from "The First Friendly Marry-Go-Round" to accompany me in exploring the gay nightlife and was surprised when the offer was rescinded on the first night. I was determined to not allow this to damper my time. In the words of Joseph Francis Tribbiani Jr."It's London Baby!"
“Always remember: If you're alone in the kitchen and you drop the lamb, you can always just pick it up. Who's going to know?” – Julia Child
In London I went to the SOHO neighborhood, and went to multiple gay spaces and panicked a little. I knew that this was my first time in Europe and was now traveling alone, so it might induce a panic attack; I was prepared for it. Pervious therapist has told me that it would be wise to use some tools to help lower my guard and feel safe, in a gay space.
Prior to walking into the first place, I started with telling myself I was safe, and I set boundaries for myself to stick too. Once inside, I acknowledged that what I had done was a HUGE first step. I then told myself, if that is all you can do tonight, then it is still a major accomplishment. You did it. YAYYYY MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! [Insert Julia Childs fist bumping her face meme when she is proud of herself].
Once inside, I was so proud of myself for walking into a gay space, that I did not pay attention to the type of space it was. Well, it was a sex club. I did not notice this until the attractive security guard looked at me and handed me a plastic milk crate. I looked at him a little puzzled, but with attraction in my eyes. I replied:
“What is this for?”
He kind of looked at me for a minute, nodded his head in a direction that he wanted me to look in, then said:
“Your clothes.”
I then turned my head to look around, and yup. Everyone was in their birthday suite's. I kind of stood there for a second and then said:
“Oh, I did not know. Sorry” And ran back up the stair's. Not that there is anything wrong with a sex club, I was not mentally prepared to be there. Soooo once I got to the top of the stairs, I looked around and headed to the next place.
I really enjoy drag shows. I thought that would be a cool experience to have knowledge of what it is like in a foreign country. Do they dress the same? Do they lip sing the same? What songs do they use? I had so many questions that I wanted to answer for myself. So, off to the next place I went.
I found a neighborhood in the SOHO area that had a couple of gay spaces right next to each other. Prior to entering each place, I had the pep talk with myself, did a body scan for anxiety, and said to myself “these are all gay men and women. They are just people like me, wanting to laugh with a drink. Maybe be social and make friends.” I struck gold with this process, mindfulness, and self-awareness.
It was the night of a Swiftie concert. The first place was packed with men and woman of all age's, size's, and culture's. I walked in with my entry bracelet and my eyes lit up with joy. I caught a glimpse of my face in a mirror wall as I walked by; I was smiling. Did the Grinches heart just grow two sizes?
I danced and spoke to men and women from various cultures. I did not drink much, as I wanted this to be more of a sober experience. I did not want alcohol to sway a feeling. I also know that being present requires a sober mindset. Besides, I am not a huge drinker, I just love to be social.
Checked and Updated on 11/14/2024